


My Little Finger

by MerNeith



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-14 16:33:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1273384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerNeith/pseuds/MerNeith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has a new way of dealing with the Dark Lord.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Little Finger

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by [Niki](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Niki/).
> 
> Warning: brief mention of torture

It had been an ordinary dinner time at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Well, up until Voldemort and his band of merry Death Eaters burst trough the doors of the Great Hall. In a blink of an eye he had seized control and disarmed the professors and the few brave older students who had reacted, mainly Gryffindors.

The Great Hall was filled with terror. The Dark Lord stood near the High Table and looked at the disadvantaged professors gleefully. His black-clad, masked Death Eaters were spread around the Hall, surrounding it completely. The students were white-faced, younger ones shivering in horror or whimpering in fear. A few had passed out and some were having trouble breathing.

Draco Malfoy smirked when a Death Eater with white blond hair spilling out behind his mask gripped his shoulder for a moment. On the other side of the Hall, at the Gryffindor table, Ron Weasley was scowling hard and Hermione Granger pursed her lips tightly together, her hand obviously itching for her wand as her gaze travelled steadily around the Hall.

"Crucio!" rang out in the Hall as Voldemort cast the curse and Professor Snape dropped to the floor with a moan of pain on his lips. He was a whimpering mess, as his body convulsed, while Dumbledore and the other professors looked on helplessly. The cheerful cackle of Bellatrix Lestrange echoed around the Hall; she was clapping her hands and bouncing up and down with glee.

Suddenly the doors clanged open and a whoosh of air followed a furious looking Harry Potter as he strode inside the Hall.

"Tom," he shouted. "What is the meaning of this?" he asked, his voice quiet but carrying.

The frightening, megalomaniacal Dark Lord looked startled and he released the curse from Professor Snape. "Harry, my darling, I am merely doing my job."

Harry raised his eyebrow as he came to stand in front of the Dark Lord, silently asking for an explanation.

Voldemort was looking somewhat nervous. "Of being a Dark Lord." As Harry crossed his arms across his chest and looked like he wasn’t satisfied with the answer, the Dark Lord continued: "Of conquering the world, annihilating the muggles, torturing the muggle-born, enhancing the status of pure bloods, practicing dark magic…" The Dark Lord started to sound desperate and his explanations were sounding more like questions.

Harry was tapping his foot on the floor, clearly unsatisfied. "Not good enough," he said with a disappointed look. "You were supposed to clean the upper floor of the manor of the dark artefacts so that we could start renovating it. When I went to see how you were proceeding, I couldn’t find you anywhere."

"But, sweetheart, clearing out dark objects is beneath me," the Dark Lord stated. Then he saw the look on Harry's face and realised he had made a huge mistake.

"Don’t you 'sweetheart' me, Tom Marvolo Riddle." Harry fumed. "You promised me you would behave after we got married. It was in the contract." Harry looked at Voldemort with suspicion. "Who did you torture?" Harry inquired with a menacing glint in his eyes.

"Oh." Voldemort looked relieved. "Just Severus here. He spied on me," the Dark Lord whined.

"We have talked about this," Harry said, his voice carrying. "You do not torture people even if they have double-crossed you. Now say you are sorry."

Voldemort pulled himself to his full height. "I most certainly will not!"

"Then you can sleep on the couch for the next month," Harry said.

"Sorry, Severus," Voldemort hurried to apologise.

"I am still furious with you," Harry said looking at Voldemort with a thoughtful look. "I am seriously contemplating evicting you from our bed to the couch for the next three months for this stunt."

The Dark Lord paled. "No, my soul, my heart," he said, voice wavering as he dropped to his knees and pulled Harry into a hug, resting his head on Harry's stomach. "Please don’t do that, I'm sorry, I won't do it again. Last time you banished me to the couch it was horrible."

Harry stood stiffly for a moment, then he relaxed and started to caress the bald head of the Dark Lord, who seemed to almost purr at the touch.

"Now, what will you do for me to prevent that, hmm?" Harry asked. "I am quite upset with you right now."

"I will stop this confrontation and come home, and I will clear the dark objects from the upper floor of the manor."

"And take the vilest dark arts books from the library to be destroyed," Harry continued.

Voldemort winced. "There are some really valuable ones," he tried.

Harry ceased his caressing. "They make my skin crawl."

Voldemort sighed, "All right, I will take them from the library, but I will put them in one of our vaults at Gringotts."

Harry contemplated this for a while and then continued the motion of his fingers. "Fine, but you will get rid of the throne in the ball room."

"No, I won't!" Voldemort snarled and stood up. "A Dark Lord needs a throne."

Harry gave the Dark Lord puppy dog eyes and the scary tyrant's face crumpled into a soft expression. He stepped closer to Harry and pulled him into his arms. Harry's hand petted him on the chest.

"Anything you want, my dear heart," Voldemort finally said. "I will get rid of the throne."

Harry smiled and leaned to whisper something in the Dark Lord's ear with a coy smile. The terror of the wizarding world blushed, looked down at Harry and cleared his throat.

"Lets go!" he commanded his minions. "We are done here. I have more important things to do," he said with a haughty tone.

"But, my lord, all the fun," Bellatrix Lestrange whined.

Voldemort looked menacingly at her.

"You can play with Pettigrew," Harry offered with a smile. "It has been a while. I can do a partial transfiguration for you so that he is half rat and half human."

Bellatrix smiled, giggled and clapped her hands. "Thank you, Harry, I am going to have so much fun," she said and skipped out of the hall, the other Death Eaters following her.

"Now, my husband, let's go home. You have a lot of making up to do," Harry said in a commanding voice.

Voldemort looked at him worriedly. "Anything you want, my dear, anything," he said as they walked out of the Hall, his arm pulling Harry to his side. "As long as I don’t have to sleep on the couch," the crowd in the Hall heard Voldemort mutter. "It has lumps."

The End


End file.
